Missed August 1

So August 2 will have to do.

And you know what that means. I need to put on my best "behind the barn" cowboy, hillbilly auctioneer duds, cinch in my pants real tight, put on my tightest, most pigeon-toed cowboy boots, inwardly angled is what I mean, get on my best brim, put on a bolo, and saunter out to my pile of junk -- then I'll look down at it with a casual, knowing look, able to appraise, to identify both quality and value, look out over my crowd of bargain-seekers, who also mean me a lot of good will, make small talk with a few of them named Cy and Les, arrange my auctioneer microphone, dangled now around my neck, check with the old guy who's catching calls for me, and make sure everyone's got their bidding number.

"Edith's got hamburgers and baked goods over in the trailer, friends, so in case you get hungry, you know where it's at. Also look around, there's something out here for everyone today.

"We're going to start off with this nice television set. It's a good one. Worked the last time they watched it. What are we going to start off with here? Nice TV. All right, let's get it goin' right now, and what will you give me for it? Do I hear five, five, five, five? Four? Three. We got three! And now four, four, four, four. Four! Sir, we've got four. Five, five? This one's ready to go, barely been used, and it is known to have worked at one time. Four, we've got four, and now five, five, five, yup! Five, and now six? Six? Six, once, twice. Sold! Five dollars, number 262!"