Hiatus By The Numbers

There's no perfect hiatus, it's starting to seem. It's all very irregular. It could very well be one of those zero sum games, like where you have a whole column of numbers but at the bottom line they're all canceled out.

Just saying I have joy one day and sadness the second at this point is to repeat myself endlessly. And it's like checking your oil every five minutes; you can chart it exactly but it's hard to enjoy the trip. For me, what I should do is just accept it as an axiom that additions and subtractions are the normal arc of life and quit worrying about it.

But you'd think that being on hiatus, having all this time off, would multiply my happiness quotient, and that whatever fractional division there normally is in the give and take would see some borrowing from the bad and some addition to the good's column. Why can't I come out on the plus side? I've checked my work and can easily calculate how things ought to come out.

I try to reconcile myself with comparisons, such as a baseball player can be hitting .200 and still be considered an asset to the team. Which, at least in that area of his game, is failing 80% of the time (I know there are other factors at play). Right now, for me, it's at least half and half, and that's not really such a bad average. But the way I figure, and I've been through this a number of times, is that having extra time off should more generally be a plus, yet somehow my mind is still borrowing trouble and that's a problem I can't solve.

At this point, it's six of one and half a dozen of the other as to what to do. No matter how it adds up, everyday has this common denominator, that I'm the product of my makeup, equal to what I've become, a composite, a divergent sequence. So I must learn to reckon with the pluses and minuses, or I just might put a zero vector to my circle and become a negative number.