The Dance Of Doom

The Dance of Doom? Gosh, I hope not. My intuition told me to say say, so in this case I hope it's wrong. Unless the doom is for someone else, because I have the confidence that I'm going to be unscathed.

The grange is kind of weird, but it's just their thing. They're a social group and social groups have their own ways. They want to protect their values and have a predictable way of life. Nothing wrong with that since it's all quite normal. Personally, I like a little more individualism -- being eccentric means being out of the center -- and do like more some unpredictable associations, whether mentally, spiritually, or socially. But I live and let live.

I know I've been going on this week about grange assassins, and I can't remember all that I said. Some of it I was kidding around. Because part of living and letting live is that I live, and part of my life is to kid around. So, just as an aside to any grange assassins who may be thinking about taking me out on Friday night, let's just forget about it. You're cool, you're admirable, you've got it going on, so do I. We all do.

And all that business about their daughters being informants up and down the line, and separating the human wheat and the chaff by apparent immoral means, and the slander against them and their horses (I admit it), that their horses are trained assassins as well, trained to do the bidding of their evil masters, being signaled with something as slight as a twitch, it was all just a misunderstanding. Upon considered reflection, I realize now that horses can't be trained to do anything.

In fact, horses are so stupid we don't even use them. We only reference them as to how much brute strength they have. Like with my lawn mower. It has a 3.5 horsepower engine. That means my lawn mower is 3½ times as strong as the average horse. And it's probably 3½ times smarter as well, since it's man made.

Maybe I'll put my lawn mower in the trunk of my car and take it. Then if one of these assassin horses tries anything, I'll have someone with me who's 3½ times stronger. It's well known horses don't like lawn mowers. Why? Because horses like grass and lawn mowers like grass. They're competing for precious resources.

If it weren't for horse races there'd barely be any horses, because we'd have no reason to keep them around. Which means we'll probably always have horses, because, whether they're 3½ stronger or not, they're usually a lot slower, so lawnmower races never caught on.

Anyway, I'm still planning to go to the dance. The grange people haven't bothered me all these years. They're good people. Stay out of their way and they'll stay out of yours. They just don't want anyone messing around with their old ways. And if they're ever very forward on enforcing their desires, it's just the same old reactionary instincts that other aggressive people prone to violence act on. They don't mean anything by it, they just can't help it.

I could do a whole thing on the group dynamics of tribal people. They do a lot of jumping around, shouting, face painting, etc., unconsciously of course, to dissipate their violent rage. You see a big fire with a missionary in a kettle and all these demons leaping around it. To them it's just group therapy.

We in civilized society do the same thing, as is easily seen even in the daily news with what the Republicans are up to. You know, they say Republicans don't like to dance. It's not that they don't like it and wouldn't try it if their instincts were channeled that way with some guidance. But at this point, they find blood lust a lot more satisfying. And the whole overly blown racist bent, just to cite one example of their behavior, helps reinforce group cohesion.

So whether it's the savages of a foreign land or the savages of our own beloved America, it's all the same. You get at the root of human behavior and you wish you were born a horse! Then at least you can live, move, and breathe unconsciously and be happy. Still, not as happy as the lawnmower, which has plenty of food and isn't burdened with the pressures of sentience. If I had it to do over again I don't know that I would.

The grange people have their dances for many of the same reasons, to sum up. And my own theory is that's what gets them worked up enough that we have more grange people. That is, it's all part of their mating ritual. And therein is the key to why the dance could very well be "The Dance of Doom" for someone who comes into their camp, dancing, chasing the farmers' daughters, and yet not wanting to adhere to their ways. One of the elders twitches his nose, a horse recognizes the signal. Suddenly the last sound you hear is "hee haw," just before being kicked to death.