Killing Grandma

I'm going to speak up!

I'm frankly scared about all this talk of "killing Grandma" and "pulling the plug on Grandma."

Anyone who comes around trying to kill Grandma is going to have to go through me! And I'm armed and dangerous, with Grandpa's guns and my own sacred sword collection.

The ones I've heard threaten to kill Grandma are the Republicans, Sarah Palin, Charles Grassley, and their fellow travelers. Heartless! And to think they used to brag about their compassionate conservatism. But now they're out there saying they can't wait to get their bony fingers around Grandma's neck. To snuff out her life. After 104 years you'd think she'd merit some respect from these cretins.

Grandma's not only from the Greatest Generation, but several generations before that. She's earned her place!

So I'm making this plea, and I'm asking nicely. Give up your evil scheme, Republicans! Grandma hasn't done anything against you! She's just trying to live out her years here on the earth where God put her. And there's no crime in that.

But it is criminal trying to kill her. So back off! Because I have old Betsy here on my lap, as well as Lord Cutlass, and I'll be looking out the window!