My Genius Industrial Neighbor

The neighborhood is shaping up nicely as far as residential industry goes.

The whole thing is catching on and most blocks are getting in on it. We don't care about zoning laws and no one seems to care, because they can't arrest us all! Even if they did, they know we'd just come up with our own residential jails, because we're living by the principle, "If one person [entity] is entitled to something, then we all are." I can see that residential jails would be very easy to run. Give each male prisoner a copy of Penthouse and each woman a copy of Woman's Day and they'll all be happy.

If anyone's behind in this whole industrial switchover, it's me. But because I don't know the first thing about anything, the technology stuff is a little tough for me. That's why running a jail would be right up my alley; there's very little to know. Just read them their rights, keep the right magazines, as I said, and muck out their cells every few weeks. Other than that, I can't think of a thing. Keep them stocked with chalk so they can mark the days on the wall...

But I have neighbors who must've spent their lives reading and figuring things out scientifically. It's amazing, because I always figured everyone else was stupider than me. I always think I would come out on top whatever the competition, the "Survivor" show, "Jeopardy," or "The Dating Game." But maybe not. And it could be that I just have too much reserve, whereas the other guy tends to be more of an animal. So I will be thinking of security and future viability and the other guy, not valuing his life as much, simply goes for it in the moment.

That still makes me sort of superior to the rest, because it's my genes -- if I had ever found a woman and been able to have children -- that would survive through the ages. Of course caution is a very good thing for the longevity of a species. If a species stays in its cave door and happens to have a high powered rifle and an infinite supply of ammunition, it can survive quite a while. So I don't feel so bad about myself.

But my neighbors -- intelligence brutes, I might call them -- have the edge for the moment, not thinking about their long term survival. So they're able to come up with all sorts of creative, unbelievable, scientific breakthroughs that I -- I'm ashamed to say -- haven't even got the vocabulary to describe. About the best I can do is to say it's a miracle. They've been praying, I guess, praying really hard, and so these wonderful things are happening; they're getting the resources from on high, and it's paying off dearly, so much so that, when it comes to industry, they're leaving me in the dust. Temporarily, I might add.

The guy to my south has an amazing electrical generating plant up and running. He has an ingenious system of harnessing every resource, from wind to fire to water to pedaling, and he's doing everything he can to make electricity without having to plug anything in to an electrical socket. And that's an important step, a hurdle I haven't been able to manage even theoretically. I'm scratching my head: How can you make electricity without plugging something in? It's an age-old question, "Which came first, electricity or the electrical socket?"

But my genius neighbor is definitely up and running. Another coal truck just pulled into his driveway, meaning the fires will be rising up again within the hour. There's soot everywhere and it's hard to see when he gets cranking, but if that's what it takes... And for wind power, he's got wires strung to the highest branches of his trees.

I'm even thinking he might get a wood chipper -- to grind up old trees for the reserves of wind they no doubt have. It'd be a fairly clean source of power, extracting the old wind, then burning the wood for more power, then selling the bark to dog food companies.

It's looking like I was right all along: Industry should not be left to the entrenched industrial powers. The rest of us have every right to get in on the act, and to profit.