Swami Masturbananda's Family Jewels

Swami Sri Masturbananda, yogi guru of India, is a very wealthy man, especially in the ways that really count. He has the bliss of life, of divine awareness, and he treasures every opportunity to lead his chelas (students) in the same. His whole life is a treasure.

A big source of the master's wealth is found in his family jewels, because therein is the path to divinity, part of it, I should say, the glimpses of glory every man seeks. When it comes to the master's jewels, he always makes sure they're comfortable in their vault. But not so comfortable they can't be pressed into service on a moment's notice.

Jewels are precious things for many reasons. They make great decorations, like on an old lady's dress, a big jeweled broach. But perhaps more precious than that, nothing so directly illustrates the chakras that all of us have, particularly the power centers on the path up the spine to the crown of the head. They're always in motion. Jewels with their sparkles also show certain aspects of energy, that it's always in flux.

The family jewels, we know, are a center of energy. We think of the energy of life, and that's exactly what they have. They're like lotus flowers. They're like baby birds in the nest with their mouths straining open. The whole thing speaks of shifting, of motion, of vibration. The energy "speaks" to us; we hear and heed them particularly in our experiences when the libido is aroused. Like when a girl walks by with cut off jeans, cut so high you can see the pockets hanging down. Whether you're seeing it or remembering it later, nothing gets the vibrations going quite like it.

We can get a stoved up feeling if it's been a couple days, and we make a quick determination that our family jewels are getting restless. Of course, I'm speaking of the experience of men. Women also reportedly get some of these feelings, like, I guess, if they're craving the attentions of a man, a Cary Grant or Burt Reynolds, someone like that. You give them a good chick flick and they're usually happy. Or a vibrator.

Swami Masturbananda pays great attention to his family jewels, receiving for his efforts a rich payoff, those great glimpses of the highest consciousness. Only he knows exactly what it takes for him, but I have the feeling that one who so intimately knows the very center of life has no difficulty finding something lascivious to think about. He's eternal, so it might be a fantasy he's had stewing of some girl from the 1700s. She's a dried up skeleton in a forgotten grave to the rest of us, but to him in his mind she's still laughing in a pub and showing a bit too much cleavage.

The same things happen for him as happen for us. But the big difference for him is that he actually knows that state all the time. But he has put aside some of his prerogatives for the benefit of us, his followers, helping to lead us through incarnations and the glimpses of deity that we can get here and now, five to 10 seconds at a time. Perhaps you know the cycle: personal stimulation, build-up, glimpses of deity, denouement, afterglow, cleanup, video games, and finally to bed.

The master is the wealthiest man I know, with his wonderful family jewels and all they're capable of. There must be a turbine in there. But each one of us can share in this blessing of life, just as we are, as we also keep our own family jewels in motion, ever churning out the glory.