Hiding Water Under A Plate

The way to get rid of dirt on the floor is to sweep it under the rug. Then if the bulge gets too big, get a bigger rug or a shallower floor.

I was out to eat this morning and got some water on the table -- it might have been flavored with coffee, I don't remember. I thought a good place to hide it would be under the plate. That's a good way to get rid of a few drops. A few drops aren't smart enough to know they're completely free, since the intelligence of water is only manifest when it's in a bigger group.

Since that's true, the more water you hide under a plate, the more likely it'll seek a way of escape. And when water wants out, there's really no way to contain it. It'll leak out the other sides, then there you'll be, swishing it in and only stimulating it toward quicker escape on the opposite side. Actually, water doesn't necessarily go to the other side; it seems to navigate itself wherever the downward course is, or, if you put thrust on it, it will flee toward the opposite side for the most part.

I was trying to hide something else today (in plain side) and it resulted in a personal tragedy for me. I needed to get the slush and hard ice out from my tires. I was driving around and every time I turned the corner, I could hear the ice rubbing against my tire. So instead of going where I was going, then having to drop a bunch of ice in their driveway, I just pulled along the side of the road. I got it all chipped away, it started falling, and after five minutes or so, it was all in the road. There wasn't a rug to put it under ... or a plate either, for that matter.

As I drove away, I looked in my rear mirror and chuckled as I saw it left behind, since it reminded me of horse crap in a parade. I said to my traveling companion that it looked like "a big steaming pile of horse ice some guy left!" But I should've looked a little closer, and here's the personal tragedy I mentioned, because my phone and iPod were in among the "horse ice." Seriously.

A couple hours later I got a call on the other phone, and, guess what, someone had my phone and iPod. They found them in the street right near the horse droppings. So I needed to go all the way back over there. They didn't ask how my phone and iPod came to be in the road. They were actually very nice about it, nice enough to call me and not to want a reward. But I found out who actually found my stuff, went to his office and he wasn't in, so I left some reward money on his desk.

I was afraid I might be caught like George Costanza. The guy would come in and see me and think I was trying to steal the money off his desk ... but fortunately he didn't, and I got the heck out there! He'll never know it was me ... unless he has the place under video surveillance, which occurred to me. Plus, I had to leave a brief note, so that took a little longer.

Isn't it crazy that a guy wouldn't feel a phone and an iPod fall out of his shirt pocket, make their way down and out the bottom of a couple of coats? Then not even to notice it for a couple hours! It was crazy.