Just The Cutest Tabasco Packet

Look at this cute little Tabasco sauce packet. I didn't know they made these. I noticed the place I go to breakfast doesn't have bottles of Tabasco anymore. So I asked about it, and the guy directed me to a container of these little packets.

"How cute!" I said. And  how convenient as well. I'm always a little nervous about condiments in bottles in restaurants, because you don't know what the last guy might have done with it. When given a choice, I always take the freshest, fullest one.

But these little packets, that's exactly what I need! And the fact that they're so darned cute, that just adds to my delight.

Remember, I'm the guy who advocates that Tabasco is good for a person's health, speaking for myself. You can read about my Longevity Diet, which centers on using lots of Tabasco. In that post, I predict that I will live to be 158 and still have what it takes to date 20-year-old women. Or, I should say, 20-year-old men, whichever I happen to be in the mood for at that age. They'll be like, "You're a great lover for a 90-year-old!" And I'll say, "90-year-old, my ass! I'm 158 and I'm gonna be dead next week!"

OK, let's review what I did for breakfast, along with one odd quirk. The guy directed me to the container with the cute little Tabasco packets. In the immediate fever of my surprise, I reached down and took three, even though, upon reflection, I only needed two. But what to do with the third! This is the quirk: I'm funny when it comes to things like this. Like if it's jelly, I hate to waste it. There's this little container of jelly, and I think of how much it took to make it and that it should not be wasted. The same with even salt and pepper packets. Just imagine how I must feel about Tabasco, God's most perfect food...

I had the third packet there, yet didn't feel like having three on my eggs. So what to do with it? I could take it over and put it back in the container. But then I thought, No, because I've had my fingers all over it. And even though I don't have any diseases, someone might see me and be upset. I think I'd be upset if I saw a guy putting packets back in the container, because, again, I don't know what he did with them.

So under those circumstances I did the only thing I could do, which was to take it with me. There's one obvious benefit to that: I scanned it for this post. But the other more important benefit is, when it comes time to eat Tabasco, which I do all the time, I'll have this little packet to use first. In terms of physical size, it's pretty small, really small, but in terms of longevity, who knows?, it might add a few days to my lifespan. And that's too good to waste.