Valentine's Day -- The Love Machine

ELVIS PRESLEY - "The Love Machine"
(Click pic for YouTube video)

Here's a great song for Valentine's Day, Elvis Presley from the movie Easy Come, Easy Go, doing "The Love Machine." I listened to it earlier this morning and now it's all I can think of.

In fact, I'm giddy as Scrooge after his ghostly visitors, with everyone stopping by -- the milkman and paperboy -- both perplexed as to my joy. They must think an old single guy can't be overflowing with joy on Valentine's Day, but they know not the source of my happiness ... Elvis' happiness. He's like my older, more successful brother, and if I stick with him, surely one of these gals will notice me in the shadows. "It may be Susie or Maybelline. She could be Kathy or Angeline. Let the wheel go round, round and round, try your luck right now on the Love Machine."

Beyond me and my love troubles -- and please be in prayer that my many trips around the square tonight are profitable -- I do get some measure of joy, and dare I say, satisfaction, from Elvis' work in this movie, putting the Love Machine out there for his mates in the Navy, that they might immediately get not just the girls' measurements but their phone numbers. (I pixellated all phone numbers on the off chance that they've changed since the mid-'60s.)

One great thing about the Love Machine that gets my imagination running wild is that this definitely beats the dating scene today. I see these guys on TV with their dating websites -- that one old white-haired fart -- and it makes me sick. Whatever happened to good old-fashioned nature, this person sniffing around and this person sniffing around and they happen to bump noses? Every three-legged blind dog hobbling down the street gets a date, how did the human race go so wrong? We've all had ancestors, and the world has even somehow become overpopulated, but now, suddenly, we're such wallflowers we need to go through a thousand computer profiles? Gimme a break.

You say, "Yeah, but what about you driving around the square, tonight of all nights?" OK, fair point, but in my defense, I'm old, wasting away, with bad hair, bad teeth, and conversationally-challenged, the whole bit. You won't believe what I did, though, just yesterday. Knowing Valentine's Day was here, I went out and bought $218 worth of new clothes, true story. But while there, trying on one of the shirts, I caught a glimpse of the back of my head in a three-way mirror, OK? How horrendous! My bald spot's grown! Not only that, the tangle of wild hair around it makes it look like a clearing in the jungle. Big enough to set down a small plane but not big enough for a settlement. That's why I'm so down on my chances.

But all hope isn't lost yet. The Elvis video's great, because it presents a definite alternative to websites. You get the cards and information from many women, put them on a wheel of fortune, and spin it. Take down the number and you're off. It's social media without the computer! They've apparently all agreed to this system, so when you come calling -- if you've got $218 in new shirts and pants and have trimmed your jungle -- they're gonna be up for it. Certainly if you happen to be Elvis himself, or one of his good-looking Navy brothers, it shouldn't be any problem.

Maybe I will try a few of these phone numbers. This movie was made around '66 or '67. If these gals were around 22 then, that'd make them only 70-something now. Heh heh, this is gonna work. I'm only 62, which would be a good match for a 70-year-old lady. So screw the square, tonight I'm spinning the wheel!